same old bad love story: Ok, degrade me more, if that's what makes you happy...

same old bad love story: Ok, degrade me more, if that's what makes you happ...: "Ok, degrade me more, if that's what makes you happy. I won't bother you anymore because that's what you want. Don't worry, because as mu..."

The Same Old Bad Love Story

It’s over. 

After 3 years in a relationship, if that is what I can call it, it finally gone to its end. 6 months of happy times, three and a half years of sad, bad, and confusion time. But the worst, I kept on holding onto him, hoping that things will be alright. I felt that he doesn’t love me but still I keep being blinded hoping that after that I will have a taste of his love.

He is a person with lots of excuses and can easily made up reasons to keep his ass off the hot sit.

I sent a friend’s request onto his Facebook, but he didn’t accepted the friend’s request. His reason: his family is there and they might see me, he is not yet ready to explain about me. 2^nd reason: I might flare up  on whatever I might see there. – NICE and ACCEPTABLE reason nah? He was afraid because I once discovered his activities online.

He stayed in my place for a month. His body is there but his mind is away. Until I discovered something. He gave to me the password on his laptop. I used it when he was away. As the screen window opened,  it also opened the secrets he was hiding for a long time. He’s having a relationship with other girl. Same time chatting with her while chatting with me and there was something horrible going on (no need to mention)  – I was shocked. I freaked out. I called him and was crying while asking WHY?? He did it again for the second time. I demanded for him to go back home so that we can talk. He did. But instead of saying sorry, he keeps on saving himself – making up reasons and put the blame on me. – I was so depressed. He watched me crying in despair. I was waiting for him to hug me, at least, to console me, but he never did. He said he needs to  leave because he needs to attend a meeting early in the morning – I asked him if he can stay. He tried to call to cancel the meeting but the fate is not on me. He left. But before he left, I had to ask him if I can hug him. That’s the moment he wrapped his arms around me.  I was alone at home. No one to talk to. I texted him the following day, only to found out that the meeting was cancelled but he didn’t even thought of coming back to give me company – the least he can do at that time.

Moving on.

I asked him if he can spend the holy week with me. He said he will try. He will just let me know. 3 days before the Holy week,  I asked him once again. He said he can’t because he needs to treat his officer to some place. But sometime in June, I found out that during the holy week, he was having fun on the beach with his friends – no officer with them. He is having fun while I was so bored thinking on what to do and how can I spend the 3 days alone.

2  weeks before he left for his country, we had a fight because he promised to spend the rest of the week with me, but even that is so hard for him to do. He has been doing that ever since, promising to be with me and will take it back on the last minute, and me, the stupid one, will just get frustrated at first and will just say OK in the end. I flared up. This is too much of him. Then suddenly, when I tried to call him, to make amend, he cancelled my call (for the first time). I was, again, got angry. I texted him, asking why he did that. He said he doesn’t want to talk to anyone at that moment. I was so frustrated, that’s the moment when he started cutting the communication with me.

I texted his friend, he said he already left 4 days ago, June 28th.  – He didn’t even said goodbye to me. But on June 29th, while I still have no idea that he already left, he came online to YM, I was online (invisible) on my 2 accounts. He set a "stepped out" status - it just appeared on my main email address. He is "available" on my other email address.

I emailed him. I released all my anger and frustration. I think I already filled his mail box when he replied that he was sorry for all the pain he caused me. That he is willing to ask for forgiveness on bended knees. That I was the most precious gift he got but he just destroyed it. – full of drama. He was asking for a break. His reason: he’s so confused. He needs to find himself. – I gave that break he was asking. Only after 3 days, July 15^th 2011, I found out his new profile picture on Facebook, with a girl beside him. First time that he did. He even exposed the picture to the public. The thing he didn’t even do to me. He can’t even accept my friend’s request – but now he can post other girl’s picture on the place where he is avoiding me to be in. I sent him messages on his FB, I emailed him. No reply. I texted his friend, I got a reply. Women’s instinct seldom gets failed. They are less than a month on a relationship. The time when we are still in a relationship. He got the nerve to had sex with me while someone on the other end of the region there is a girl who is confident on his loyalty. The girl and I were both being cheated. 

She was the one who sent him to the airport when he left the country for his home country. The privilege he can’t even give to me as well. The following day, I checked again the account, his message button was already gone and the girl is already unsearchable.

He is just active when he wants to have sex with me. Other than that, I am a no one to him. He barely sees me.  Friends are telling me that a liar will always be a liar, and a cheater will always be a cheater.

I again emailed him. I challenged him. I been asking him long time ago that if he doesn’t want to be on that relationship, he might as well tell it to me straight. I said lots of things until, maybe I mentioned about the girl, he was threatened and he replied “I got tired of you. I really wanted to stay away from you. I am peaceful now.  If you want to destroy me, do whatever you want so that you can rest in peace”.

He is peaceful. I hope he can hear what he is saying. He got the nerve to act like that as if I was the one who turned this relationship into a nightmare.  And he was really wishing me to rest in peace? I did my best to save this, but he just keeps on destroying it.

That’s it! The person I knew of being nice and kind turned out to be like a demon in an instant. After putting me on a hanging situation, will suddenly turn his back on me.

I been feeling the tension long time ago but I was just so stubborn and ignored it and still believe that things will change. But enough is enough.

I think it was really God’s plan to send him to my place to learn about the truth on the person I loved for a long time. I was actually praying for him to lead me to the right place. He was my first love. One of those days that we're living in, my dad, who passed away in 1998, visited me in my dream for the first time to warn about him. He told me that I should keep him out of my life. People believed that dreams are the opposite of the reality that's why I ignored it, but my Dad is really guiding me until now.

I was a nice girl, a happy and sweet person, but he turned me into the opposite. Now I am having hard time going back to where I was before – a peaceful place with no worries and heartaches.

He didn’t loved me,

He just used me.

He just played my emotions.

He is ashamed of me.

He always wanted to see me suffer.

But, everything has always an end.

And above all these, I believe in KARMA.

I wish I was a child again.

Ysa

July 16^th, 2011

** Please disregard the grammar. I am writing from the heart and I’ve no plan on proof reading and edit this.. – happened in 2011.